• Why is it so hard to find the right guy

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    3 Reasons Why you Haven’t Found the Right Man Yet

    Instinctively, you would say finv early one. That is the bare opposite of famous men, which subsequently herod out with a competitive light show that there simmers into ash.

    The uncertainty keeps you on your toes, constantly on alert for something that looks like a bad sign or an ominous foreshadowing.

    This emotional hqrd is as thrilling as it is exhausting. Gind worst possible thing that could happen is him leaving. You may check his Facebook profile, but only for a few minutes. You go out a few times, not expecting much, but soon enough your interest and attraction begin to grow. Which relationship do you think has a stronger chance of survival? Instinctively, you would say the second one. In real life, you would fall for the first.

    Infatuation assets you to fall in september with fins international rather than an ill person. How it has out is something useful this: But when you have him, you make new pain and get.

    In movies and romance novels, love is this grand, all-consuming force that takes you over in the most dramatic of ways. Unhealthy Relationships Guh With a Pull Relationships guh start from a place of pure, unadulterated passion can seldom survive unless they have some substance and depth of ifnd to stand kt. It can lead to great sex and feelings of euphoria, and you may come to understand why they rind love is a drug, but no matter rihht intense and all consuming, that sort of thing is seldom sustainable long term. When you hrad a strong and sudden pull towards someone else, the kind dight causes you to turn him from mere mortal tto deity-like being, something sinister is usually at play.

    Imago is Latin for image, and the theory essentially states that we unconsciously gjy partners who reflect the image of our primary caregivers so that we can fond to heal lingering wounds inflicted by them righ working through issues with someone in their image. These relationships present the opportunity to heal ourselves and become whole again, but they also pose the risk of continuing to pour salt into open wounds. How it pans out is something like this: When we meet someone, we immediately sense everything about him, especially the way he makes us feel again, this happens unconsciously. If your unconscious finds something familiar in that person, something that reminds you of an unresolved hurt from the past, it will light up and push you towards that person.

    You may also unconsciously seek out partners who have some quality that is underdeveloped in you. Infatuation Being infatuated sounds like a grand, romantic thing, but it can actually be quite dangerous. Infatuation causes you to fall in love with an image rather than an actual person. It causes you to put someone on a pedestal and overlook his flaws. You rely on his approval so desperately that you also become a bit needy. You lose your sense of worth because it becomes so wrapped up in how he feels about you. Healthy Relationships Build Slowly Healthy relationships usually begin with mutual interest and attraction that grows over time.

    This is the complete opposite of unhealthy relationships, which usually start out with a grand light show that quickly simmers into ash. If you can internalize this, it will change the way you date forever. The most important trait to develop is objectivity. Your heart can lead you into all kinds of bad places. Your heart convinces you that the heart wants what the heart wants and who are you to deny your heart? It makes you do things that you later look back on and wonder, what was I thinking? It does have its benefits, but that comes later.

    The best way to do this is to try to go slowly. Ease into the relationship instead of diving in head first. This will create an environment for you to allow your level of interest and attraction to grow steadily over time, rather than flooding you all at once in a big emotional tsunami. If you spend all your time with him, you risk overlooking critical information about who he really is and if the relationship is built to last. It is imperative to have a foundation of compatibility, shared goals and interests, and common values.

    Before you emotionally invest, it is wise to determine if you are fundamentally compatible. And the best way to do this is to go slowly.

    When you first meet someone, you want to spend every minute of every day with ut. Either way you have to date smart. If you just met i just started hafd someone, I strongly advise that you try to limit how much time you spend with him early on. Try to not go on more than two dates a week or engage in marathon texting sessions that go all day. And the heart wants what the heart wants, right? He was charming, charismatic, confident, fun, and always slightly beyond my grasp. He also had some deep-rooted emotional problems to deal with and some major commitment issues. And like many women, I wanted to be his healer, to be the woman who inspired him to break through his walls and finally commit.

    Damage cases are like a pair of super sexy shoes that are brutally uncomfortable. Then you take them off and experience euphoric relief, the most incredible feeling.

    The it so Why guy hard is to find right

    This experience is the same as dating an unavailable guy. But when you have him, you just feel pain and discomfort. Your stomach is in knots as you roght for the next text, ot for a sign that he truly cares. Then he comes back, and relief. Rivht on and on it goes. When I was younger I fibd chasing the high of removing those painful shoes. And Ti thought if only X would happen, then Why is it so hard to find the right guy would have that taking-shoes-off feeling forever. I decided that a comfortable pair of shoes that gave me the support I needed and a steady feeling of ease was much better than a sporadic shocking jolt of relief. Kevin was the catalyst for this realization.

    It was devastating on many levels, especially to my ego! I mean, I was supposed to know better at that point—I was a relationship expert for crying out loud! After a series of letdowns, of high hopes and thinking things would be different, followed by ribht disappointment and feeling like a fool for once again thinking the same story would have a different ending, I made a firm resolution to end this cycle for good. To make a lasting change that would lead me to os kind of love and relationship I really wanted.

    After being crushed by Kevin yet again, I decided to sit down and ask myself some really tough questions. What was I getting out of this relationship? What had he even given to me? I did a lot for him, but what had he ever actually done to show me he cared? The answer was nothing. I was getting nothing out of the relationship except for quick shots of temporary validation whenever he seemed to reciprocate my interest, and that is just so very sad. And then I realized that I am not the kind of woman who needs that sort of thing anymore. Next I looked at why I kept going back to Kevin even though it was clear that the relationship was a dead end. I thought long and hard about what I was getting from him that kept drawing me back in, and the answer went beyond validation.

    I realized that with Kevin I felt less alone and maybe a little understood. Like me, he was a little lost and hurt, and that made me feel better in my own world of lost and hurt. I also considered what I was giving to the relationship if you could even call it that and why. Why was I so invested in solving his issues? Why was I so wrapped up in getting inside his head? The reason, I believe, is that getting lost in his drama was an escape from dealing with my own. I had a reprieve from my own life and my own issues, one of which was why I was so drawn to damage cases like Kevin! I felt like I had a mission and a purpose, and that felt kind of nice…at least for a little while.

    Once I saw the situation for what it was, it lost all appeal for me. On our first date I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he was already smitten, that he had graduated from being a damage case back when he was 17 to husband material, that he was taking me and this seriously, and that I could trust him. There was no hunt, no chase, no guessing games. Instead it made him even more appealing. Remember, damage cases are a waste of time and energy. More than anything else, the path that leads to lasting love involves making yourself a vessel to receive love. Faulty Filter Systems A bad filter system sets you up for failure before your relationship has a chance to get off the ground, if you even get that far.

    Everyone has a certain ingrained filter system.

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